Tempers get hot. People start running. Misunderstandings abound.
That’s what happens when people start talking about religion and politics, immigration and universalism.
We think we’re debating ideas. But really we’re feeling deep emotions (mostly unacknowledged). Feelings and relationships come fast in our brain (right brain, primarily)—our emotions.
Thoughts, reasons, and clear arguments come slow (left brain, primarily)—our ideas.
Talking past each other
I got into an extended online argument about my review of David Bentley Hart’s book on universalism. I was coming at the topic with ideas front and center. People were mystified by my review and I was confused by their responses.
When I stepped back from the ideas, I saw we had all been tripped up by the emotions—others (though talking about ideas) were letting me know that I had touched something vulnerable, something intimate in them. And that is neither wrong nor right. It just is.
I had a choice to respond with more—with better—ideas. Or I could shift gears and move toward connection. In that instance, I had to slow down the ideas so I could speed up to the emotions.
This kind of misunderstanding (and misconnections) happens all the time when talking about atonement theories, views of the Bible, or what God’s “love” really means.
But the opposite can happen, when our emotions—and our relational commitments—override our good ideas and make bad arguments seem like good ones.
I believe this happened to Beto O’Rourke at the CNN Democratic roundtable forum on LGBTQ rights. When asked directly whether Christian churches, colleges, and charities should lose their tax-exempt status if they oppose same-sex marriage, O’Rourke answered, “Yes.”
This stance played to the audience and interest groups—their emotions, empathy, and relational connections—, but it isn’t a very good idea (as John Inazu explains regarding charities, and even Pete Buttigieg understands regarding religious liberties in America).
The same thing could be said for John MacArthur’s recent statement that Bible teacher Beth Moore should “Go home.”
Emotions and Ideas
It seems as more and more “digital” natives grow up and we have less and less face to face communication, that these miscommunication, miscues, and misconnections will multiply.
Can the church in the West—amid the increasing fracturing—push into the vulnerable space of engaging emotions while at the same time discussing the important ideas and issues facing all us?
QUESTION: What resources or groups have you seen that does this well, that we could learn from?