I ask for what I desire:
that Jesus I would
know more intimately,
love more intensely,
and follow more closely
—Ignatius of Loyola,
The Spiritual Exercises [104]—
Two things have always stood out about this prayer.
I’m going to talk about the first one right now.
The second will be the next post.
Reflection #1: I ask for what I want
Throughout his Spiritual Exercises Ignatius regularly tells you to “ask for what you desire” or “ask for what you want”.
There is a funny contradiction in this.
First, I’m being told what I want…by someone else.
Second, I’m being told to ask God to give me what I want.
But you know what?
I hate being told to want something.
Don’t tell me what I want.
I KNOW what I want.
Not you.
Things like…
- I should want to eat healthier food.
- I should want to exercise more.
- I should want to empty the dishwasher instead of ignoring it and putting the dishes on the counter all the while hoping that someone…ANYONE…will empty sooner than later!
But I don’t generally want those things.
One Part of Me Talking to Another Part
But, on a deeper level, I actually do know that eating better, exercising more, and loving my wife by emptying the dishwasher are good for me (and others).
So one part of me (a more reflective part) wants it.
But another part of me (the more reactive part) doesn’t want it.
Check out How To Welcome the Parts Warring Within Us (Jenna Riemersma) on the Embodied Faith podcast
The genius of Ignatius is to help us talk to ourselves while talking with God.
Ignatius is helping us be honest about all the parts within us.
- To “ask for what I want” is to admit that I’m a divided self, double-minded, and easily distracted.
- To “ask for what I want” is to know that I’m often at war with myself.
- To “ask for what I want” is to name our weakness to want what is best for us, even when we know it.
- To “ask for what I want” is to confess that our heads and hearts are often confused and disoriented.
With a Little Help From Others
So Ignatius…
- is offering help,
- is guiding and directing us,
- is allowing us to lean on the journey of others
…so that we can unite our heads and our hearts, so we can want to want the greater things.
As Jesus say,
Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Matthew 6:33
So learn to ask for what you want.
God might just give it to you.
I’ll post the second reflection on this prayer tomorrow.
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