Learning to be yourself while still engaging with others is hard word. Acting like myself at all times, in all situations, with all kinds of people is hard work.
Absorbed or Against
Sometimes we are ABSORBED by others and their interests, desires, power, or fantasies. Maybe we are defeated. Maybe we just defer to others (over and over and over…).
Sometimes we move AGAINST others in “independence”, resisting and revolting against their pressure on us or over us. We will never be defeated, never even vulnerable to (a relational) defeat.
From One to the Other
Usually if we are socialize into the first (absorbed) then we will eventually burst over to the other side (against), even if in resentment or self-harm.
And if we are socialized (or actively excluded) as the latter (against) we will often be recruited (absorbed) into a collective of “individuals” fighting for freedom (however defined).
Being yourself WITH others (neither ABSORBED nor AGAINST) is the maturity of interdependence, integrating “self” and “other” beyond codependence and independence.
The Perfect Relationships
The Trinity (which I believe is the ontological foundation of everything) draws us perfectly into this reality —
- The Father is only the Father in relationship with the Son & the Spirit.
- The Son is only the Son in relationship with the Father and the Spirit.
- And the Spirit is only the Spirit in relation with the Father and the Son.
Not one of the three persons is ABSORBED or stands AGAINST the other two, even as each is fully present to and WITH each other.
This is being yourself with others.