Are We More Susceptible to Shame?

Could it be that our cultural emphasis on overcoming/avoiding SHAME is not because we are more aware of shame’s negative effects, but because as a culture we have lost the ability to REGULATE SHAME?

With the rise of positive psychology, ego-development, and self-esteem fortification in the 80s-90s, society moved toward a more permissive approach to childrearing (parents and schools) such that the action-inhibiting processes of shame were deemphasized (if not actively villainized). 

Positive shame, on a neurobiological level, is the down-regulating, parasympathetic response to a perceived breach in relationship (beginning in toddler-caregiver interactions).  This rapid down-regulation is ideally followed by the up-regulating sympathetic system as the caregiver repairs the situation after the rupture. 

But—as our culture embraced this positive self-image emphasis—with the repeated loss of these down-regulating “positive” shame ruptures that are then repaired, we are left more vulnerable to “toxic” shame experiences (perceived as “toxic” because they exceed our nervous system’s window of tolerance).  Because of this our nervous systems are less nimble at navigating down-regulating parasympathetic encounters with others, and so we are unable to recover from them effectively.  

This failure to endure and recover from shame experience leads to prolonged, if not chronic, dysregulated emotions leading to failing mental health, increase in depression and anxiety (which are all rising substantially in the last 20 years).

So. is it possible that we are talking more about shame, not because we are more enlightened about emotions (which places cognition as the driver—which most neuroscience disputes), but rather because we are less emotionally regulated?

What are the discipleship implications of this? Thoughts…

Resources:

Affect Regulation Theory (book)

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