On Being the Head



Cyd, my wonderful wife, was asked to talk about being a pastor by a friend teaching “Issues for Men and Women in Ministry” at a local Christian College.

And beyond being her being a pastor, she wanted to me share my thoughts about us both being pastors and  how you marriage works.
Basically, she said, “Since you are my head, what do you want to tell these guys about headship.”  You see, we believe in male headship in marriage amid equality of gifts and callings in the church (I know, confusing. But that is for another post).

This is what I quickly wrote up for her to 

Being the head of the family, the head of my wife is
not glamorous.read

It means “being the first to die“, because as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her, so you husbands should giving yourself up for your wives (Eph. 5:21-33).


You die first to your needs or desires in the moment, to needing to be right or understood. You die first by apologizing first and asking for forgiveness first, even if she doesn’t reciprocate.


Being the head is a multitude of little things, not a couple of big things: empty the dishwasher without being asked twice, offer to do the laundry, take the kids away for a couple hours, do the things you promise to do.


Being the head is more about not being afraid of hard conversations instead of just making hard decisions.


And as Christ died so that his church could live, husbands in all things should be flourishing life in thier wives, instead of just letting thier wifes give themselves up for the needs of the family (hello, that is pretty selfish).


So, if everything you are doing right now is directed toward flourishing your wife, then you are being an excellent head.

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